First let's clarify what we mean by the term "dating". Dating is when a man & woman, or boy & girl, decide to start spending time together, often alone. Dating usually entails talking on the phone, texting, emails, going on dates (either alone or among friends), and also includes physical touching, closeness, affection, kissing & sometimes goes beyond that. In this sense, dating is unequivocally considered haram (forbidden) type of relationship, by all reliable scholars. Allah not only condemns all types of fornication, but also strictly commands Believers to avoid anything that is even CLOSE or LEADS to fornication: “And do not even come near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a vile sin & transgression, and an evil path that leads one to hell unless Allah forgives him” (Surah al-Isra’ 17:32).

To be clear, forced marriages are not allowed in Islam. Arranged marriages (where associated families suggest are permitted so long as both parties are given complete freedom to choose or reject any potential partners.

Is there any compromise? We understand that finding a spouse can be tricky if you are a convert, or the family you have may not be very supportive when you seek or find a partner you find compatible. There are various ways to meet a person & get to know them for the purpose of marriage, but no matter which method you choose, you must be sure to maintain completely modest & lawful interactions.

As long as you are observing the Islamic legal guidelines & rules of gender interaction you can spend time together. Remember that the goal should be to seek a safe, conscientious & honorable relationship. You need time & space to communicate & really get to know a person to see if there is strong compatibility, but be cautious not to cross any lines.

Many people these days find a spouse through mutual acquaintances, online Muslim matching sites, or just by meeting at the mosque or other public place or function.

5 MAIN RULES of gender interaction: A woman & a non-mahram man may speak & interact under the following conditions.

(A "Mahram" is someone that the woman can't marry, like her father, brother, uncle, etc. A "non-mahram" is basically, anyone who could legally potentially marry the woman, i.e. non-blood relatives for the most part)

1) Lower the gaze: Do not maintain constant gaze at each other, nor look at the other if there is desire & lust. This includes not staring at, or searching through, photo archives on their social media pages. It only takes a short time to look at a person to determine physical attraction; anything beyond that is unnecessary and can lead to haram.

2) No physical touch or contact. No exposure of one's body or private areas, whether in-person or in photos. Simple as that.

3) Be sure there's no flirting, and there's no pleasure or arousal being derived from the voice or conversation.

4) Nothing "shady" or hidden: Don't ever speak to a man/woman in secret or hide from others - that always leads to problems down the road, & often sinful relations. The man should approach the topic of marriage with respect & honor, and look for a respectful way to approach her, such as asking to speak to her father or closest male relative, or a local Imam. A woman may approach a man as well, but it is more respectful & responsible if she were to talk to someone he knows to inquire about him. Inform some trusted family members that you intend to "court" and get to know this person. At all times the two must be in plain sight of other people as to avoid the prohibition of being alone together (khalwa).

All conversations should be kept "Kosher" and "Above board", meaning that parents/guardians should be involved & allowed to see correspondence - not in a way that allows people to be nosey and overbearing, but so they can be supervised from a distance and given space to talk about important matters. There should never be concealed conversations (online, by phone or in-person) that you wouldn't want your parents or a respectable Imam finding out about! That is a RED FLAG.

5) Keep conversation focused on things that pertain to seeking marriage, finding out about the person's character, values, goals & exploring long-term compatibility. Just as one can keep a conversation “strictly business” in a school or work environment, the same can be applied to a conversation about marriage.

For more guidance & advice on marriage & gender interactions, CONTACT US or see articles & advice on Seekers Guidance.

Technically speaking, it's not required under Islamic law, but it is strongly recommended for practical purposes.

Why? Simply put, an Islamic contract is usually not admissible to legal authorities if you live in a non-Muslim country. As such, if anything were to happen, you'd have no legal proof of marriage if you ever need it, and in life you really need to be prepared for anything - health issues & hospitalization; death & inheritance; divorce & separation; child custody issues; abuse, abandonment or neglect - the list of issues that can & do happen goes on & on.

Also, if your future or current spouse is adamantly opposed to getting a state license, that can be a RED FLAG: it may be that he/she wants control & the upper-hand in any potential future legal battles. And yes, these are real things we see & hear about in the Muslim community.

Obtaining a state license is a fairly simple & quick process, and is there to save you from possible problems in the future.

First, an important reminder:

There are many hadiths & Quranic verses on marriage and relationships- and one should not just take one or a few quotes out of context and assume that covers everything. We need to learn and take everything into consideration to have a holistic understanding. The following opinions are common to all schools of thought. There are several different factors that one must consider before looking into marriage, so please take time to learn the rules, rights and responsibilities in Muslim marriage.

Marriage becomes necessary for anyone who fears falling into haram and unlawful relationships. If one fears fornication and they have the means, then marriage is OBLIGATORY in order to avoid it (Zina). In no circumstance is fornication allowed, and it leads to innumerable social ills.

Marriage is praiseworthy/recommended for men who have (1) [sexual] desire & (2) the wherewithal to fulfill the rights of a wife & support her. So that means that he possesses the dowry (Mahr), money to clothe her, provide shelter, food, and other basic needs outlined in Islamic law.

If one lacks the means to marry & fulfill those rights, it's better to refrain/recommended to not marry until they are able (and this is based on Surah al-Nur, verse 33).

If one does not have sexual desire it is offensive to marry if they lack the means because their in danger of not fulfilling the spousal rights & there's no benefit.

Marriage becomes disliked or haram for someone if they fear they'll harm their spouse and not fulfill the rights due, and/or cause suffering and trauma (due to the harm and abuse that may ensue). Marriage is forbidden for those who know of themselves that they won't be able to fulfill the rights of a spouse.

If one has the means but does not have sexual desire and they dedicate their time & energy towards worship & devotion to God, then not marrying is better. And there are numerous great scholars & saints who never married in Islamic history, such as Imam al-Nawawi & Imam Ibn Taymiyyah.

However, if you are not using your time in dedication to Godly purposes & worship, then it is recommended to marry because it can be dangerous to be idle, and one may fall into indecent behaviors without something like marriage to focus on.

--What are the legal rights of a spouse? This topic needs to be covered in detail, but we can summarize that a man is required to provide "support" & protection. And a woman's requirement is compliance, respecting her husband's wishes and management of the household. Both the man & woman are entitled to "good treatment", which entails that one must learn the Islamic guidelines for etiquette & noble character.--

For a sister who does not have strong sexual desire and knows she can't fulfill a husband's rights, or the responsibilities of a mother, she may NOT marry & it is within her right to say "no" to marrying.

Likewise if the man feels that he cannot fulfill the obligations as the head of household, he is not permitted to enter such a marriage.

First & foremost, marriage is nothing to take lightly, and as with all important matters, it should be done with great consideration, prayer, consultation, & by putting God & His Messenger ahead of one's desires. In other words we need to take time to look beyond our current situation & our emotions to do what is best for our Hereafter, and make sure it is alignment with the basic standards of the Quran & Sunnah.

When it comes to a Muslim woman marrying a non-Muslim man, it is considered Haram (prohibited) according to the Quran, all the schools of legal jurisprudence, and by Islamic scholarly consensus (Ijma'). Such a marriage is INVALID, and the children of such a union are considered to be born out of wedlock in the eyes of Islamic Law. A Muslim woman may marry a Muslim man, and is not allowed to marry a man who is Christian, Jewish, Agnostic, Atheist, or otherwise.

When it comes to a Muslim man marrying a non-Muslim woman, there are certain stipulations. A Muslim man is allowed [though not necessarily recommended] to marry a woman who is Christian or Jewish, but only on the condition that he is reasonably & realistically able to ensure that he & his wife will cooperate to make sure their kids are raised as Muslim Believers, and that such a union will not draw him away from his faith either. He is not allowed to marry outside of the 3 Abrahamic religions.

However, one must realize that interfaith marriages can & often lead to difficulty in the long run. Despite the good intentions people start with, marriage brings lots of unexpected trials and challenges. Raising kids is hard; having to raise them as Muslims with only 1 Muslim parent makes it all the more challenging. And we see many kids brought up in such families grow up feeling confused, ignorant & weak in their faith because they do not have a firm understanding & solid foundation in Islamic creed, morals & practice. The father needs to be actively involved in teaching his kids & being a strong role model, and take time to expose them to Muslim family & community. The wife should be supportive in these goals for the kids. It is not permissible to raise the children with a sort of "agnostic" framework, lacking any particular guidance towards Islam, and then allowing the children to grow up without Islamic guidance.

The mother is the Foundation of the family - The Arabic word "Umm" can be translated as Mother or Foundation - and generally spends more time taking care of the kids, so whether she is Muslim, Christian or Jewish, one should be sure that she has upright character, is loyal & 100% supportive in this endeavor. Likewise the man is the "Imam" or leader of the family that must guide them correctly, and that is a responsibility that carries great weight; he must be sure he has the emotional intelligence, maturity, knowledge & wisdom to carry out his duties.

If the man feels that he cannot fulfill these obligations as the head of household, he is not permitted to enter such a marriage.

Some beautiful duas from the Quran & Sunnah that can help you find a good spouse:

Rabbi innee limaa anzalta ilayya min khairin faqeer: My Lord, I am truly in great need of any good which you send down to me. (Quran 28:24)

Istikhara Prayer: When making a decision, in addition to consulting people you trust, it's strongly recommended to perform Salah al-Istikhara (Prayer for seeking the right decision & a good outcome). First you'd pray 2 rakas of as a voluntary [nafl] prayer, then make the dua/supplication as described HERE. There is a great collection of articles & advice HERE.